About 3 months ago, while wrapping up my 6.00 a.m. daily meditation, I posted something to my SoberMami Instagram feed. A second later, my eyes fell on an photo of my 4 favorite authors (and she-heroes) – all of them would be speaking at an event in NYC named SHE RECOVERS. Gabby Bernstein, Glennon Doyle Melton, Elizabeth Vargas and Marianne Williamson.
By 6.30 a.m. I was fully registered to the conference, plane and hotel booked. Leaping into the journey. I decided I would LEAP this year, and I am freaking doing just that.
And today, She Recovers NYC started. I am here. Gathered with 500 women who have recovered or are recovering from something. Alcohol addiction, overeating, bulimia, drugs, love addiction, codependence, workaholism. You name it, we are all here. My tribe. And truth is, I am a bit scared. Scared because a part of me still feels like I am fifteen years old and being authentically me is difficult sometimes. But the larger part of me is thrilled, and excited and empowered. Today marks another solid step in a fabulous journey, and I know it. I feel it deep inside in my bones – with a strange and uncanny certainty.
Opening event tonight was fantastic, with Glennon speaking bold, beautiful words in a way that makes me so glad to be sober and present. She talked about sobriety and about showing up for life. I have all her words in my head, but I am not quite “open” yet; not enough to paraphrase her statements and spin some magnificent blog about them. Not yet. Like the matrushkas she was talking about, I am unlearning and unfolding to get to my core. I will get there. And then I will be able to write and story-tell. For now, I am accepting that I am here, and I am willing and I am open.
I will leave you with this, though – Glennon made tears stream down my cheeks when she described what sobriety was for her. “Sobriety is no bullshit. Sobriety is sanity. Sobriety is facing life and truth on its own terms, and bringing your whole self to it – and knowing you will make it through, without any easy buttons, without crutches. Sobriety is knowing your own bullshit. Because all of the crutches that we use to face life – selfishness, narcissism, ego – we love using those easy buttons. But nothing real and true ever came out of punching the easy button. It is through pain that we find all that is good in life. So we have to sit through that pain to get to the other side. Sobriety lets you sit through that pain. Without apologies. Without justifying. Because when you are a grown-ass woman of integrity you know how to sit through the pain because you know that while it hurts like hell, it is the only way that you open up to greatness. And sobriety lets you do that. Be present. Show up. Sobriety is the hardest thing in life, but sobriety is my faith, almost. It is so worth all of the pain it takes to get there.”
So happy. The end. (which is not true, its just the beginning)