May 13, 2018

I am one of the lucky ones. One of the VERY lucky ones. First, because at 43, I have a mother who is the compass of my soul. Second, because I have an amazing mom who always loved me, lifted me up, and put me first. Perhaps she should have put herself first in many occasions, but at least I can say that being on the receiving end, I felt loved beyond anything in my journey from little girl to woman. 

Today. I appreciate my mom even more so. The more I age, the more I delve into my own motherhood, the more I realize what a warrior she always has been. How did she find the strength to do what she did, all the magical things? How did she do it on her own, without a tribe of other women, in a difficult marriage, and with no mother herself to guide her? How did she find the compass for right and wrong, and where did she find...

March 23, 2018

I have spent all year in silence. Lost in my head and my life...immersed in my creative projects and in the folds of my big ideas, with their big "to do lists" trailing behind. I am leaping into a new position at work, growing my voiceover business, co-writing a script for a tv pilot, coaching clients in recovery, and figuring the next steps on my online video course. While planning my son's next big adventure, and figuring out my "next chapter". Phew.

This year is such a BIG year. The world as I know it will change in 4 months when my son finishes highschool and moves on into adulting. I will become an "empty nester" soon. And while maybe some parents think this is a great thing, I am a bit terrified. Ok, a lot terrified. I am also the one devising the plan for him to move to Paris (yes, that cool city ACROSS A HUGE OC...

January 3, 2018

For the last two decades, I have stressed the f*ck out of myself during the first few days of January. I've always had this visual of "breaking into" the new year with power: A naked warrior wrapped in light, angelic choirs singing in the background. An upgraded version of me, stepping into the "new year, new me" resolution list.

This (insane) visual comes wrapped in vogue-magazine gloss, and looks like this:

Me, waking up at 5 am to go to spinning class. Me, actually wearing "colorful, grown up clothes" to work. Me, saving every receipt and staying on budget. Having a budget. Me, not giving a crap about what people say (or do). Me, making sobriety and recovery easy and lovely. Me, launching huge projects in my "free time". Figuring how the hell to make "free time". Me, figuring out this parenting thi...

December 31, 2017

I have been mostly silent this end of year. I did not write a blog post for Christmas, even. It's not that I had nothing going on, or had nothing to say. I did. Just not to the world. I was talking to my soul; deep in conversation with the person I am focusing on the most these days: ME.

Browsing through my social media this morning, I see such a need for those deep inner-conversations to happen. A few people are excited about the upcoming year. A LOT of people, however, are struggling today; focusing on where they are, on what they have lost, how this year was difficult...Their eyes and hearts heavy with all that went wrong with their world and families in 2017. Many have blankets over their heads, bottles under their pillows, and a heavy list of resentments + pains. The negative self-talk is so loud I can hear it. Peo...

November 24, 2017

Thanksgiving has always made me feel like an outsider, a foreigner enjoying somebody else's holiday. Having grown in Mexico, my Mother made a turkey for my dad's birthday (which happens on or around Turkey Day), but it was always accompanied with tamales and tequila. My Mother would let us skip school, and we used a large parabolic-dish antenna to try to catch a bit of the Macy's parade. As I watched a humongous Snoopy float over 5th Avenue, I felt quite special to have such a cool, internationally saavy mum, quite frankly.

When I moved to the USA at age 20, my first Thanksgiving was lonely. My College counselor invited me to her home, knowing I had no family here. The next few years I had enough friends to gather around the table to Boston Market-bought turkey, turning the dinner into weekend-long wine-fest withou...

November 11, 2017

My recovery date is 11.11.09. I had a long-ass period of relapse in 2014, but I still consider 11.11 my recovery date. Why? Because that day changed my life. And my relapse was just part of the journey - it did not invalidate my process. 

In fact, without that incredibly hard relapse I would not be who I am today. I would not be a stigma-stomper, an open recovery advocate and a recovery coach. I would not have seen the dark side of the moon again and come out with different eyes. I would not appreciate the several 11.11 days that went by without me having a choice on stopping, like I did the first time. I would not have had the opportunity to explore all the corners of recovery (the good and bad ones) to land where I am today. My sobriety date is in early 2017. My recovery date is 11.11.09.

My li...

October 28, 2017

I was recently super freaking honored to be interviewed by my dear mentor and friend Shannon Jamail of MindBody Complete.

In this podcast we discuss funky things, from my kidnapping while living in Mexico (and how it was a clear beginning for my drinking to numb myself out of the pain), to becoming empowered through your personal story. I loved the experience of sharing a part of my journey in this podcast, and hope you can listen when you have some time.


October 7, 2017

"What is codependence?" I asked the director of the documentary for which I was being interviewed, named "ASK - Can Love survive Addiction and Codependence?". He smiled and said "Well, it's a personal definition, so I would rather you just answer the questions I ask on camera". As it turned out, we spent the whole day filming and none of my footage made into the documentary because the then-object-of-my-codependence decided later on he did not want to be a part of the final product. Since our interview was about couples in addiction, my part ended up on the cutting floor. And the interesting thing is that even with the questions answered, I still didn't understand 'codependence' any better at the end of that day. Nor would I understand for many months. It rang a bell the way the word "alcoholic...

October 1, 2017

I have been running away from the blank blog page for the last 30 days. It felt like all of September was one big bad dream, and I could only hang on to the frame of my life and keep breathing. I could not write. I could only stand still in the storm, praying for strength as one awful day out-did the last one. Putting on lipstick and doing my hair and smiling at work. Dead inside.

Tragedy struck all corners of the Earth this month. Hurricanes stole the sunshine everywhere from Houston, Florida, Cabo, the Virgin Islands to Puerto Rico. Hundreds of thousands of people with nothing but wet remainders of their lives - the roaring ocean misplaced into their bedrooms. 

And then, even perhaps more violent and devastating, the roaring anger of the Earth; shaking, violent, crumbling walls and shattering bodies. Three large e...

September 19, 2017

Sometimes, the simple honesty of some posts captures me. This one, from my sober sister

Ashley, did just that. Her path and my path are similar and yet different. But the simple tools she outlines below are absolutely perfect. Find the links to her site at the end of this post. Follow her. Now. :)

"May 5, 2015 was the last day I drank alcohol.

I don’t always remember a lot of specifics from my recovery journey, but I do remember the first 30 days.I did a lot of things that I didn’t feel like doing in order to make it through the first 30 days of sobriety.

Everything in me told me to stay quiet, stay resentful, stay full of shame, or stay a victim. Something in me was resisting this change the entire time, and I had to push through it and do uncomfortable things.

Nothing in the below list “felt” good, except maybe the firs...

August 27, 2017

​​This is why I love Elena Brower so fiercely. This particular meditation helped me when I was working so hard on self-love as a launching pad to my sobriety -- and it felt like nobody could understand me (and much less put it in words). I had drowned my ability to feel for so long, that to hear her say what my soul was screaming, and better  yet --- to get some hope on what was on the other side --- was the best gift of all.

I am still touched by her every word, now that I have stopped "shredding my integrity" daily through drinking. Her words have carried me from darkness to light. First, with this meditation, which I mumbled through tears for nights on end as I fought to get out of my 700 days of relapse. And then, the spiritual cycle connected when I met her at She Recovers NYC this spring, and I had a chance to hug...

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And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. 

Anaïs Nin

© 2017 Sober Mami. Proudly designed by my unfiltered brain. 

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